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Behold, The Greatest Car Advert Ever

Want to sell you car? Well, think outside of the box like Rich Wisken and you can sell any old car. This Subaru Brumby car ad is pure genius…

This is no ordinary boring old beige Camry advertisement. Oh no! This is a highly factual and fitting description of a stunning 1991 Subaru Brumby.

Normally when you’re digging through the classifieds searching for a new car the section where the seller gets to scribble something interesting about their car is blander than the beige Camry they’re selling. Usually it reads something like “Full service history! Just the one pensioner owner, too old to drive now, sad to see it go, blah blah ZZZZZ” – Boring! 

Maybe you’ll read a single chuckle-worthy sentence containing a disgraceful mention of the word ‘rims’ or ‘zorst’ (exhaust in English), or even worse, a shocking spelling mistake. But, you don’t often stumble across something so brilliant, and so hilarious that you want to buy the sellers car and shake the wise hands that typed up such perfection. 

According to this seller (legend) Mr. Wisken, his 1991 Subaru Brumby pick up was,

“fabricated from rare minerals excavated from the core of Mount Olympus, artfully designed by Zeus and skillfully handcrafted in the Land of the Rising Sun by the deft hands of the infamous 7 Samurai”

– what sane person wouldn’t want that?

He goes on to say; 

“Searching for a delightful automobile to ferry you to Angus and Robertson (book store) to buy Fifty Shades of Grey, or perhaps cart little Timmy to clarinet lessons? Do me a favour, smash your laptop on the ground, give yourself an uppercut and take a good, long look in the mirror. Frankly, I’m offended.”

 – understandably so Mr. Wisken. 

Mr. Wisken’s Subaru Brumby is a car that demands respect. It really is a mighty fine specimen, its belittling bulbar for instance, is “forged from unicorn horns” – no less. What’s more, it’d be an ideal ride for any deeply religious or devilishly sinful person because the Brumby’s “windscreen wiper jets [are] filled with the tiers of Jesus” and are capable of washing away the most sinful of grime. These are just two of the many unique accessories fitted to Mr. Wiskens Subaru. Sure beats a cheap aftermarket tin can exhaust, doesn’t it?

As you’d imagine, the Brumby is a bit of a cop-magnet – the monstrous noises and rocket-like flames emanating from its single exhaust pipe put Aventador’s to shame and are a dead giveaway. But not to worry, because Mr. Wisken explains that,

“when the cops pulled me over a few weeks ago, they were lucky to leave with a warning”

– they would’ve been shaking in their boots once they realized they’d pulled over the notorious Brumby. 

Like a mystical Lock Ness Monster tamer, or a lion, Mr. Wisken can smell fear. He knows you’re worried about the Brumby and all its anger management issues reeling in expensive bills. But, don’t put your wallet away just yet, because the Brumby will quite literally, through magic, witchcraft and plain and simple respect, turn you into a boss – eliminating any money troubles. Mr Wisken says, 

“I drove it to my last job interview and my employer handed me his résumé.


See? You really can’t go wrong. 

For just $5000 AUD (Australian dollars) or 6.5kg of freshly minted gold bullion you could have this time travelling mythical being sitting in your driveway granting your wishes and turning your residence into a paradigm of female attention (the Brumby has a chick magnet of course). Would you let an offer like this pass? Didn’t think so. 

Check out the full advert here:

1991 Subaru Brumby Ute (MUST READ AD!)

By Aiden Taylor (@AidenT_RD) and Mr. Wisken (@RichWisken)

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