Today I went to the dentist and in between having the insides of my mouth prodded with metal sticks and filled with delicious cola flavored cement while I struggled to take in air, my mind wondered off a bit. Because I’m a bit odd, I got thinking about what kind of car a dentist might drive. It’s an interesting topic because dentists are generally quite interesting – if a bit weird – people. They like to keep it discrete and bland, but nice and quick – dentists are speed demons too, you know. So here’s five cars which should be at the top of your wish list if you wear rubber gloves and wield a lethal spiny metal stick thing for a job.
Audi S4 Avant
The Audi S4 Avant is undoubtedly one of the most underrated cars a rubber glove enthusiast can buy. Especially in the plain silver with castor sized wheels spec you see above because the showy matte finish silver door mirrors are sneakily hidden and the more aggressive front end looks a slightly subdued, the only real giveaway that the S4 means business is the quad exhausts poking out from its shapely rump. Beneath the skin is a 3.0 liter turbocharged and supercharged V6 producing 333hp, a fancy Quattro all-wheel-drive system, and a 7-speed twin clutch gearbox. It’ll hit 60mph in just 4.9 seconds. That’s ruddy quick! It really is the unsung hero of the Audi lineup and perhaps, the best car the German marque currently makes – R8 V10 Plus aside, obviously.
Volvo S60 T6
Dentists love Volvos for some reason, and none more than this top spec S60. Behind the boring safety focused badgery is a potent 3.0liter turbocharged six-cylinder engine producing 300hp and it’s all deployed through four wheels – no less – for maximum traction. 0-60mph takes just 5.8 seconds, so it’s no slouch either. Also, its wheels look like lethal dentistry spec razors.
Volkswagen Passat V6 4Motion
Just when you thought the Volkswagen Passat was only driven by the frail and afraid elderly we give you this, a 295hp V6 version of the Passat your grandparents drive. It has all wheel drive, too, so it hits 60mph in just 5.5 seconds, but just look at how bland and dreary it looks! The Passat absolutely nails the whole bland, boring, and understated requirements, it’s quick, too.
This car really is as potent and as precise as the whizzing little stick thing that all dentists have a mild obsession with. It might be a diesel, but it’s a 3.0 liter twin turbo six-cylinder diesel, which produces 265hp and a staggering 425lb ft of torque, that’s enough to send this 3 series to 60mph in a very un-agricultural 6 seconds. Plus it’s a 3 Series so it goes about its business like no other small sedan on the road – for the more motoring enthusiastic dentist.
Volkswagen Golf GTI
Dentists love the GTI, it blends together everything a dentist wants absolutely brilliantly. Speed, practicality, fun, and of course lethal, razor sharp precision, plus, its got a VW badge on the front, and to a dentist, that alone is worth its weight in rubber gloves, which is good – somehow. The VW Golf GTI houses a 2.0liter turbocharged engine producing 217hp, which is enough to send it to 60mph in just 6.5021 seconds, no less – because it’s THAT precise.
If you’re a dentist, do feel free to write to us on Twitter @carhootsUK, and tell us what you drive. We want to know! Is our list accurate? And where can we get some of that delicious cola flavoured cement?
By Aiden Taylor ( @AidenT_RD )