You can spend literally tens of thousands of pounds optioning your car, and truth be told, it’s where the manufacturers really make their money. While researching these stupidly pointless car options I stumbled across a site – which will remain nameless for obvious reasons – which considered things such as parking sensors, sunroofs, upgraded audio systems and even roadside assistance options to be pointless. Those are all very useful and completely acceptable options to tick, these on the other hand…
Prepare to be terribly embarrassed nameless site!
1. Porsche 918 Spyder Weissach Package – £55,000
Essentially you pay £672,000 for your super fast and super rare 918 Spyder. But there’s a catch, what you can and will do – because you’re rich and mad – is pay Porsche quite a large sum of money to make it more uncomfortable by removing some amenities, adding in some magnesium wheels, and some essential flame resistant upholstery which results in a 35kg weight saving and allows the lucky – if slightly silly – owner to travel around the Nurburgring – where they’ll spend most of their time – two seconds faster than in the standard car! This however, isn’t the only stupidly expensive option on the Porsche 918, for £17,000 you can have “authentic” – as opposes to fake? – black leather with green piping, £13,000 gets you the custom Porsche luggage set, and £42,000 gets you chrome blue paint. Utter madness.
2. Ferrari F12 Berlinetta carbon fiber cup holder – £2,112
Surprisingly, Ferrari do give you a cup holder in the F12. But, if for some bizarre reason if you’d like that hidden, obscure cup holder to be dressed in an expensive material such as carbon fiber that’ll set you back £2,112. You’d have to be ruddy mad to pay that!
3. Mini Convertible Openometer – £120
Want to measure your coolness while driving about in an open top Mini? Us neither. But, according to Mini, there are actual people – spanners, obviously – out there that do. For just £120 Mini will fit a little gauge that measures how long you’ve had the roof down for. According to Mini it “means passengers can measure their visual coolness inside even if it’s cold outside”, or you could just wear a t-shirt that says ‘I’m a monumental c*ck’, because if you tick this option, that’s what you are.
4. Porsche 911 Factory Collection – £1,160
Let me get this straight, if you’d like to endure inconvenience of travelling from your humble abode in the UK to Germany, where you’ll collect your car from the Porsche factory and save Porsche themselves the hassle and cost of transporting your new car to a dealership in the UK, they’ll charge you more money? That’s bizarre.
5. Manufacturer Branded Apparel
On that special day when you drive down to the dealership to pick up your brand spanking new car, after all the paperwork and formalities are completed the salesman will try and flog you some overpriced distasteful apparel. They’ll encourage you to have a bit of a browse through the dealerships various manufacturer branded watches, caps, sunglasses, and clothing. Do avoid these like the plague since you will look like a bit of a toss kitted out with an outfit that matches your car. This is one of the main reasons everyone hates poncy Ferrari owners with their hideous bright red clothing, hats, aftershave and what ever else Ferrari has branded – dogs, probably.
By Aiden Taylor ( @AidenT_RD )