Geneva 2013 has seen the debut of some seriously hot metal, much of which will eventually find its way into the sheds of tuners. And when we say ‘tuners’ we don’t mean youths in Citroens garnished with absurd body kits and motorbike exhausts. Oh no, sir. We can do much better than that. We’re talking about proper businesses that completely rebuild and re-engineer cars that once completed only vaguely resemble the cars they once were, it’s almost like they’ve been through a Biggest Loser transformation, except in some cases they’ve become fatter and uglier than before.
These are the cars created by some of the maddest and most ridiculous car nuts in the world.
Behold, the Geneva 2013 tuner cars.
Mansory G Wagon Cabrio and Ferrari F12 ‘Stallone’
Lets kick things off with Mansory, a well known tuning company from Switzerland that does everything from making Ferrari F12’s go that little bit faster to making golf karts that little bit more bespoke with the addition of alloys and air scoops for rich golfists. They can even decorate your office with tasteful carbon fiber coffee tables and whale foreskin upholstered chairs, probably.
But we weren’t all that interested in the whale penis chairs because at this years Geneva motor show; Mansory unveiled a convertible version of the Mercedes G wagon. It’s called the Mansory G Speranzo Cabrio, and apart from the requisite fat body kit, 24″ wheels – TWENTY FOUR -, rather frighteningly, it um, has 700hp and 664lb ft of torque. Sadly however, if this isn’t quite enough power to satisfy your needs, you’ll have to opt for the hard topped version, which pushes out a biblical 840hp and 737lb ft of torque.
In other slightly less scary news, Mansory also showed us a fettled Ferrari F12 now with 775hp – up from 730hp.
AC Schnitzer 640d Gran Coupe
Next we have BMW tuner AC Schnitzer who brought this BMW 640d Gran Coupe to Geneva. You’ll notice the color; it looks very schnitzel-y, doesn’t it? In BMW speak it could be called ‘Frozen Schnitzel’ because matte in BMW speak is ‘Frozen’… Anyway power has been bumped up from 313hp to 360hp, 20″ wheels have been added along with bigger brakes and stickers that increase performance substantially. Plus, there are carbon fiber-y bits on the front and back, the latter housing a set of tasty exhaust tips that are only rivaled by the color scheme in terms of deliciousness…
Hamman Motorsport Mission
Here we have another BMW, this time by German tuning firm, Hamman Motorsport. They brought a modified BMW M5 to Geneva this year and what they’ve done is made it a bit ugly by adding some width, some carbon fiber and a new exhaust system, then they took some weight out to create… The Mission. What a name.
Hamman Motorsport Absurdity
Or if the M5, sorry, Mission isn’t quite your cup of tea, Hamman will happily ruin a new Range Rover for you as well. They’ve taken the two worst paint effects you can take to a car – pink and chrome -, and applied them to a hideously body kitted Rangie. This shouldn’t be legal.
Brabus 800 Roadster
Finally we have Brabus, a German tuning company that tinkers with Mercedes’ and Smart cars. They’ve just launched a 789hp, 217mph version of the Mercedes SL, which is a bit mental. What’s more, it has 1046lb ft of torque! Sort of. That’s about 400 lb ft more than it would take to travel back in time. We say sort of because unfortunately, Brabus have had to limit that monstrous torque figure to a measly 810lb ft in order to make the thing actually move forwards. Shame really, just imagine the bragging rights…
Well there we have it, the most interesting and somewhat disturbing tuner cars from Geneva 2013, which was your favourite Let us know by tweeting us @CarhootsUK.
By Aiden Taylor ( @AidenT_RD )