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Sorry, But The Cadillac Elmiraj Is Disgusting.

Cadillac unveiled a new concept car at Pebble Beach, and it doesn’t look very nice

Your reaction when you see this post… If you’re an American.

I’m going to take a punt here and say that this new Cadillac Elmiraj is a hideous mess. Americans, I’m expecting you all to pelt me with stones and send me many, many messages of hate after this, because as far as I can tell you all seem to think that this concept car is the second coming.

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To me this seems a bit daft, though. For starters the Elmiraj hasn’t even got an ounce of facial hair – although its grille does admittedly look like an upside down mustache – and I’m willing to bet on the fact that it can’t walk on water or make fish appear for the needy either. Even as a car it looks a bit odd and awkward. Cadillac call their design language ‘Art and Science’ – sounds a bit like an indie band, doesn’t it? But as far as I can tell, neither art nor science are present here, unless you like your art very abstract and weird looking, in which case you probably like Ssangyongs, and that, I’m afraid, makes you a stupid person.

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The Elmiraj’s rollers look nice enough, they’re big and bold. They suit the character of the Cadillac brand. Oh, I also like the color they’ve painted the car with, blue is nice, I have blue t-shirts and a blue wall in my house. 

But I’m afraid that’s where my praise for the Elmiraj ends. That enormous gob appears to have been modeled on the face of a fish that’s eaten far too many cheeseburgers and is now grinning like a loon. And there’s so much damn chrome! This car would probably give unstable people seizures if it drove down a sun soaked street – this, I feel is just deeply inconsiderate and irresponsible. 

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It gets much worse if you look at the side profile. The entire roof looks like an after thought, which is a bit concerning… Without a roof the Elmiraj might look remotely digestible, but with those round arches jutting out from what is, essentially, a square box with some enormous wheels tacked on, it just looks damn awkward because everything is square, then the roof is round. Do Cadillac have a design language or just a suggestion jar? 

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If you take a look at the rear, things are even worse. I don’t know how the man who designed the Elmiraj looked at the car’s rump and thought “yes, that’s exactly what I wanted” because it’s hideous – I can only assume that he has no sight, poor chap. 

The problem begins at the front of the car, because its chin is very low and hugs the ground like a curious dog. But the rear bumper of the Elmiraj sits about a meter off of the ground like a low-rider with broken hydraulics, and the height just exaggerates how flippin’ massive those rims are. To make matters worse, the huge wheels and the vast length of the cabin make the rear end look even stumpier than it actually is. The proportions just aren’t right at all. 

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Fortunately, things are a little nicer indoors because the interior is unlike any other modern American vehicle, mainly because it actually looks like a pleasant, if totally befuddling (the controls look a bit er, difficult), place to spend time.

So we’ve discussed the ‘art’ properties of the Elmiraj concept, now lets address the sciencey bits. The biggest problem I see here is that this car appears to have the aerodynamic properties of a brick – all of the surfaces are square and flat. It’s a proper barge, too; this is a 5.2-meter long car! It’s over 400mm longer than Bentley’s Continental, so, like a lot of American things, it’s probably a little bit overweight.

Beneath that long bonnet sits a 4.5liter twin turbo V8 pumping out 500hp and 500lb ft of torque. It’s a motor derived from twin turbo 3.6liter V6 that’ll power the new CTS-V – a handsome enough car. The rear wheel drive chassis and the engine are, according to the Caddy suits, part of an “ongoing Cadillac vehicle development project slated for future production”. 

We can only hope that this production vehicle turns out to be Cadillac’s rumored rival to the Mercedes S-Class and BMW 7 Series, not an enormous coupe that looks worse than a green toe. 

By Aiden Taylor (@AidenT_RD

Before I post this story…

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